you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
