Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
