thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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