Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
