You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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