After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
