Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
