I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
