Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
