morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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