Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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