I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
3 2 1 whiskey
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize