Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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