So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize