Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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