I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
