I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
