I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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