U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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