Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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