While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
