brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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