Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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