We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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