I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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