2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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