The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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