Your tits are I can't wait for
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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