i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize