omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
