I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
