She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize