i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize