You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
