There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She bit a glass in half.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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