dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
