So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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