I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize