My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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