You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
