respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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