Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
