I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
