I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
