Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize