I just found puke in my bra..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
