I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
