forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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