If that was your dad, he is hot
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We left the knife in your bed.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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