I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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