Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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