Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
