Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
