So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
