when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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