I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
