Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize