You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
