My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
