Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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