Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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