Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
