I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
