After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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