How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize