All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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