Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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