oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You are a genius and a whore.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
